The best support .. where when ya need it?

Another moany post .. huh .. no posts for ever and now they're all moans .. but this is my diary .. so .. I'm allowed ..

Yanno .. it's not necessarily the things that life throws at you that can bring you down .. no for me it's more how you can weather them and how much support you can get with dealing with them ..

.. since life turned to custard a few years back there was support on but yanno on the fringes .. be it due to people trying to protect themselves or maybe just not knowing what to do .. and at the time with us having to deal with so much on our own that was OK ..

.. as the kids got older .. and yes M was a shit sleeper but yanno what's one night compared to a year huh .. no support came in the form of having the boys while I pieced my life and head back together ..

.. C had another terrible time/surgery and M was looked after by my parents for a week while we tried to get our heads around the horrors of each day and the fear of losing our boy for real .. but when he got back he was more traumatised than when he left .. stuff we are dealing with now .. we got told of how hard it was looking after him ...FARK he was 3 years old away from his parents for the first time in god knows how long .. had to see his brother all carved up and sad ... but we had to bring him along .. no-one would look after him .. and yanno it was life-saving surgery .. his brother could easily have died!

.. deal with it ..we were dealing with worse than a sad kid ..!

.. in the past few years the number of times the kids have been looked after by other people I could easily count on my hands ..

..  anxiety disorders are prevalent in my family .. but there are ways of helping that huh .. and isn't one of them increased frequency of situations and circumstances to lessen the anxiety of the 'thing' that is unknown or freaking you out about ..(with support of someone ie his brother who loves doin' stuff)

.. Missy has stayed once at someone else's place .. and it was 'a real mission' apparently .. wtf!!!  ... It was the first time .. that's kids you distract them .. and being told she is 'aloof' and doesn't want anything to do with them .. well you've got to wonder why huh?

.. anyhoo getting to my point ..

.. last night I packed the lunches .. had the kids clothes ready and this morning had them get in their uniforms as soon as they were up ..

.. the response from Chris was .. what's got in to you .. and chill out .. fark .. I can't win ..

.. the kids came home in a semi-rot .. but I'd prepared myself

.. well I'd got M's glasses.. I got a blue case .. he didn't want that one he wanted a green one .. after telling me he hates green now .. so I said to him .. probably in a curt tone .. but I thought you didn't like that colour .. I do now .. fine (said in my head) .. I told him I'd have to ring the lady as I'd orderd the fun changeable colour one for him he was playing with at the glasses shop and liked .. so what does Chris say .. no wonder they get shitty after the way you talk to them .. wtf .. I thought .. so I told him to Fark off .. and off the tireade continued .. I was trying so hard .. but when you get unsupported and then the kids start at you as well I felt bloody henpecked ..

.. then this morning .. had the lunches all ready on the bench to go in their bags ..M decided to inspect it .. and didn't want the sandwiches .. so Chris takes it all out to show him what he used to take to school .. sandwiches, homemade biscuits and fruit .. then comments .. no wonder the kids don't eat their sandwiches with all this other shit in here .. and went on about it .. so as he left I said to him no wonder the kids are dis-respectful if they see you putting me down all the time and his retort .. no wonder the kids swear if yo do all the time

.. fair enough .. but I swear out of frustration .. for being UNSUPPORTED!

.. and I'm at least working on it!