North Taranaki Midweek, 08 Dec 2010. Page30

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North Taranaki Midweek
08 Dec 2010

DE-STRESSERS - EVERYONE NEEDS A SMILE!!!

 

 

    

..did I forget to take my happy pills or something ..

.. I think I'm on a downward slide again ..

I have so much to be thankful for in my life.

But, today I just want to cry.

I feel like everything is out of my control .

I am the only one who can take control and make changes. I know this. But for some reason today, I just can't make myself do the things that I know I need to do.

I feel overwhelmed.

I'm sooo tired.

I'm sick ..

Day 4 - Damn bad habits

A habit that I wish I didn’t have SWEARING

Man oh man I swear like a trooper ..

I swear far too much .. esp for a lady my husband says ..

I remember when I first "learned" to swear .. a school friend taught me a couple of words - "f**k" and "bitch" ..

We thought we were cool .. swearing away about things (but only in each others company) that day .. then I got home htat night and Mum askedme something and I had to stop and think about what I was going to say without the next word being a swear word ..

Now .. they just tumble out of my mouth ..

Luckily the kids "know" that they are "adult" words that only "mums and dads use" .. but I can see it's gonna come and bite me on the bum in the future ..

I can't bring myself to actually say them on my blog except maybe in private posts .. but even then I use mis-spelling .. but IRL .. I'm a potty mouth ..

..AND

.. wish I could get over NOT liking folding my washing and putting it away .. lol

Day 3 - I'm the one hiding from the camera :-)

Well this is gonna be an interesting one .. photos of you with your friends ..

I'll have to pore through all the millions of photos I take and get back to y'all .. because like the thousands who have done this challenge I'm the one BEHIND the camera usually ..

.. so I'll post this one of my Mum and I .. coz she's the bestest friend I have :-)

.. and my beautiful sisters .. coz they are also my closest friends ..

.. and I'll post others as I find them :-)

Ooh here's one .. but I'm almost cut out of it on the left :-)

Does this count .. lol ..

My 38th at Emma's

 

BBQ for my birthday- 39

Boxing Day at our house - no photos of me though ..lol

10 families have got together for the past 11 years .. on Boxing Day ..

 

Jan 2nd - Town vs Country Cricket game

.. see I REALLY do avoid photos!

Day 2 - What's with the name huh?

So this blog was originally "twinzn1more" - which is what the address still is .. which is pretty straightforward .. Twins and one more - referring to the rug rats ..

Then during my recovery I got kinda clever .. lol .. well I thought so ..

"Round the bend .. and a bit further down the road" - this refers to my mental status at the time ..

I "felt" like I had been through a really rough patch and had gone "round the bend" .. and was now "a bit further down the road" and on the road to feeling a lot better ..

It also referred to where we live way out back here .. when I explain how to get to where we live I often ended up saying "You go just round the bend .. and then we are just a bit further down the road" ..

So bloody clever huh ???

Just kidding :-)

Day 1 - Me and 15 things you were just dying to know about me ..lol

Me with - Straight hair .. Normal hair

Mmmm .. now some INTERESTING FACTS .. let me see

- I agreed to marry my husband after a month of meeting him .. (albeit I was absolutely plastered at the time) .. then we moved in together after knowing each other for 3 months .. then officially got engaged after 5 months of meeting each other. We met when I went to a house for studying for a Polytech exam where he was boarding .. and whoa there he was .. We have been married 15 years as at last Feb :-)

- We've got twin boys .. and one chickadee .. hah .. how did you know that already ??? The boys were conceived by IVF and Miss was a bolt out of the blue .. we thought we'd try and see what having a singleton pregnancy was like ..

With Miss .. my doctor and I thought there was something "medically wrong" with me and I was going to be having a number of tests done as I felt so terrible .. not once did we think about pregnancy .. I on the off chance threw a pregnancy test in the groceries and thought I'd do a test "just for the hell of it" .. well talk about almost fall off the toilet .. I went back at 8 weeks and the doctor couldn't believe it when I said that I was pregnant and that was why I was so unwell .. lol ..

- It took us over 8 years to concede that we were not going to get these monkeys conceived naturally and decide to take the IVF route .. as luck would have it .. the day we called in to Hamilton on holiday to talk to IVF place .. they said we would be more than eligible to go on the Public waiting list .. and within 6 weeks we were starting the IVF roller-coaster journey.

It only took one cycle luckily and the retrieval (22 eggs, 8 fertilising .. and then only 2 going on the 8 cell embies), transfer and ultra-sound (at IVF clinic) were all classed as "textbook" .. and at 6 & 1/2 weeks it all looked fab ... even though at 6 weeks I was told by the local sonographer that I had no babies in that there uterus .. stupid pillock!!

I had 32 weeks of hyperemesis with the boys .. it stopped at 28 weeks .. and started again at 30 weeks (although that may have been more stress related as that was when Twin B - Cam was suspected as having something severely wrong with the left side of his heart). With Miss I had hyperemesis from 5 - 41 weeks .. yep she was 5 days overdue .. my midwife told me that it would disappear overnight .. and I did not believe her .. when I woke up the next morning after having Miss .. it was like someone had wave a magic wand .. friggin' awesome to be able to eat without indigestion, being sick .. or just feeling rotten :-)

- I suffered PTSD, Post Natal depression and Anxiety following our return from Auckland (and probably before we got home and in hospital) with the boys .. and then was very very unwell with suspected Adjustment disorder (but most probably Depression/Anxiety looking back now .. and me being an expert now at these things ..lol)  when they were 15 months old .. and went on meds but never found the "right" one for me .. then with Miss I suffered severe Pre-Natal depression, then Post Natal depression and then with a lot of counselling (and amazingly no meds) for 2 & 1/2 years began to feel really well again .. then this year have taken a down-slide again and are back meds (but a new one) for a now diagnosed Generalised Anxiety with Depressive Symptoms Disorder .. and have been seeing a Clinical Psychologist .. am I doing better . .sometimes yes .. other times I'd like to kick the Black Dog back out on the porch .. but it likes being on my shoulders too much and sometimes it's a battle :-)

- All of my children have Congenital Heart Defects .. Cam has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) which is rare and pretty damn serious .. he has had a few heart surgeries and procedures in his life and his poor little "flat" frog fingers have lots of pin pricks in them as we test his blood to make sure he's on the right blood thinners 2-6 weekly depending on how his health is .. Mike had Pulmonary Stenosis .. and it corrected by itself .. and Miss has Aortic Stenosis .. her's is monitored and depending on when we can get her to lie down on the bed for an echo without having a mental we will see if she needs surgery to correct her valve before she gets to school. All of the boys were shy .. urrghhh hate that word .. but Miss has been "diagnosed" as having Selective Mutism .. not too sure how bad it is .. as has yet to be analysed by the right people .. but we think it's a mild case .. well mild to others .. and we're all crossing fingers, toes and other body parts that it will resolve itself in some way when she heads to school ..

- Since March I lost both of my Nana's and last week lost my Grandad .. I have my Pop still alive .. although I'm really really sad that they are now gone .. I am grateful that I was able to spend some of my adulthood getting to really know them and that they were able to see my kids while they were little and share their love with them :-)

Also I love that I can see some of the beautiful gifts that they have passed on to my children and/or my neice and nephews and my sister .. esp the musical talent and art/craft and cooking talents ..

I love the concept of doing a family tree and since my Nana's passings have gone right back and shared the results with my parents .. surprising even them with some of the stuff I found .. I'm still chipping away at it coz holy heck it sure does take a long time ..

OK so that's all the deep meaningful (less) stuff .. now some other stuff

- I have two beautiful sisters .. I'm the oldest .. and have 4 nephews and a niece .. and my middle sister is due to POP .. well she better soon - babe's 9 days overdue .. I "had" a "surrogate" brother but sadly he passed away from a work-place accident 2 years ago .. and left a huge hole in my life ..

- I gabble .. go off on a tangent .. come back to it (maybe) or completely change my mind and never go back to it .. you didn't notice .. mmmmm .. well .. I do .. but IRL I'm quite reserved (hate the word shy) .. until I get to know y'all and then can't stop me yabbering .. but online .. I'm yaketty yak .. but not stuff that's too meaningful coz I like to take life easy as possible .. coz my life IRL is way too heavy for me to carry much else on them there shoulders :-) .. so this being my first post of the 30 days of me .. looks like some posts may be friggin novels ..lol .. if you can ber to sit through them .. grab some popcorn/wine/a picnic basket .. it may take a while ;-p

- My car most times is a huge mess. If my car is clean .. you can bet your bottom dollar .. there is an almighty mess either in my kitchen or lounge or bedroom or all blimmin' 3. I have a problem with multi-room tidiness I think .. or multi-area tidiness .. then if the rooms are all tidy .. I daren't open a cupboard .. coz stuff could easily fall out and flatten you ..

- I have a problem with folding and then putting my washing away .. I can get it washed and hung out .. but then Mt Washmore, Mt Washalot and Mt Fall-all-over the floor can stay there for days on end .. and only once hubby and the kids start voicing a bit too much that they can't find some piece of clothing will I be motivated to get moving ;-p

- I'd love to go to a clothing stylist .. as I have no idea what suits me or what the heck style even is .. I wear mostly black or deep wine or dark blue .. or that nice blue or dark purply coloured stuff.. that most probably is then layered with a touch of black .. and this is mostly worn with jeans or a dark skirt  .. arggh!

- I lost over 20 kgs about 2 years ago .. through various means .. and are right peeved that now I've put 5-7 kgs depending on what exercise I do ..since going back on AD's and eating my depression away .. BUT .. have recently brought a bike and are back walking again this WEEK! I'm an emotional eater from way back .. and to prove it have almost eaten a whole packet of Chicken Thin Cut Chips while writing this ..lol

- I've got killer blue eyes and smile (well so I've been told) .. and love laughing and dancing and READING READING and READING.

- I love to help out others when I can .. and probably take on too much .. hence STILL being on the Heart Children committee and Playgroup co-ordinator and all the rest of the stuff I do .. but I like doing it coz it makes me feel good unless I have to do too much ..lol .. but I've got better at delegating .. that said I'm stepping back and resigning from them all in March next year once Miss goes to school.

- I've almost completed my BBS through Massey .. and have changed my major so many times I've lost count what I'm actually majoring in .. now I've completely changed my mind and are looking to do a degree in Early Childhood as I think I'd like to be a Kindergarten teacher.

There is probably a heck of a lot more than 15 .. but I've yabbered too much already .. and if you've got this far .. you're probably bored out of your tree ..lol

NB ***One that my husband would think I should have written is (that he thinks) I'm addicted to the computer/internet .. ummm NO WAY surely NOT!

So very true ..

From: Positive People - Making a difference

“No matter what difficulty you are facing, it is coming from Divine Light to bring you to a higher place within. Write down every conceivable reason that this situation can contribute towards your growth. Write down every way this experience can possibly set the stage for serving to uplift others. When you are complete, and have come to the other side of this experience, you will then know 'why' it happened.” ~ Barbara Rose

ANGRY!!!

I actually feel sick to my stomach ..

.. some family members SHOULD NOT even have the name 'family' the way they treat and talk to others in their family ..

FARKIN' UNBELIEVEABLE

Farkin' Angry .. Angry .. Angry ..

:-(((((

30 Days of me

A friend Sams Snippets is taking part in a challenge that Purls Paws posted on her blog.

I thought it looked cool so I'm aiming to get going at it to get my blog moving again ;-p

This is what you have to do each day....

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name.
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends.
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song.

I'm quite a few days behind (they're already at Day 4/6) .. and I'm won't be starting until tomorrow or Tuesday .. but I'll do a few at a time to catch up ..

Soooo there you go .. I might be posting for once :-)

Love you Grandad

11 January 1916 - 11 November 2010

Today we lay my kind-hearted, gentle and cherished Grandad to rest ..

Niech odpoczywa w pokoju ..

Miss you so much already Grandad

It was a beautiful service and lovely to see all who were involved very proud to be a part of showing just how special Grandad was ..

Truly beautiful tributes by Aunty Margaret and Uncle Robert .. and I think he would have been very proud all of his children, Grandkids and Great-Grandkids who helped out :-)



Memories Build a Special Bridge - Emily Matthews)

Our memories build a special bridge
when loved ones have to part
to help us feel we're with them still
and sooth a grieving heart.
Our memories span the years we shared,
preserving ties that bind,
They build a special bridge of love
and bring us peace of mind.

Love you Grandad xx

Grandad :-(

RIP my beautiful Grandad

The black dog ....

... sinking ..

 

The laws that govern the black dog

a) it is lazy, it hates exercise.

b) it feeds on negative emotion.

c) it lies, steals, distorts and drains.

d) it relies on the labels from other people to quantify what you have.

e) it loves it when you give it your full attention and energy.

f) it will always show you your past, and hide your future

g) it hides your true self from you

The Hole

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless...
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I still fall in... it's a habit...
But my eyes are open.
I see it is there.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down a different street.

******
Author Unknown.

The Guest House

by Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi

1207-1273, written in 1230

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Comments on the poem:

- this poem is about mindfulness (as in buddhist practice), accepting the different human emotions that you experience without judgement, not getting entangled in the feelings they produce, but seeing them for what they really are with a non-judgemental mind. Each emotion is like a visiting guest that will stay a while and then leave, but you must see them for what they are, not reject or run away from them, the idea is to accept all emotions as part of the human condition, we must learn from them because each is sent to teach us.

- In this poem, Rumi suggests that we shouldn't shy away from the ugliness in our lives....pain, death, suffering......instead we should embrace them and explore what learning is there for us. People don't like to talk about death, Rumi suggetses you should so that, while uncomfortable, it becomes more human-scaled and easier to deal with....through its familiarity.....sometimes the hardest of times teach us the most...

- This poem is a deep reflection on being in touch with our feelings and emotions (described as guests in this poem.) We can learn much from recognixing these feelings. They are guides to our state of mind and we can prepare for our reactions to them.

This month .. in pics

Man I've been so slack with posting .. so here's a super lazy post .. ;-p



There's a bull in the garden what am I gonna do ..

there's a bull in the garden what am I gonna do ..

I'm gonna watch that bull that's what I'm gonna do ..

I'm gonna watch that bull ;-p









Three lambs - Rainbow Dash - Abbie's, Rocket - Mike's and Dan C - Cam's

.. 2 ewes and one ram .. been so sickly .. driving me bonkers .. we've always had rams .. ewe's are not as hardy it seems ..



Mike being his usual nutty self ;-p



Magnolia buds in the garden ..



Mike going off to "work"

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Nana's Internment

On Sunday 26th September 1.30pm, we had the internment of Nana's ashes at Awanui Cemetery ..

It was a really lovely day - very healing ..

I did a reading .. Jeff - Elsie's partner (for mum) read the "roses" poem that was in Nana's funeral service sheet .. and Sonje read a beautiful poem from a card she gave to Nana

.. then as Uncle Alan and Uncle Les lowered the ashes in Stefhan (Sonje's son) played the start of Stairway to Heaven on his guitar

.. then we placed flowers in and around the ashes .. and then they both then filled it in .. then we had a moments silence while Stefhan played his guitar

.. was really lovely .. then we all went back to Mum's for afternoon tea

.. was a really nice day :-) .. lots of tears .. but good for the soul :-)





















the beautiful flowers outside Mum and Dad's house





the spread for afternoon tea



My cool Pop



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..photos from during the week ..



Coco Pops milkshakes for breakfast ..



Miss with Candi (a doll Nana found and gave her)



Miss found some new glasses ..



Colouring fun on a wet day ..



Cheeky Miss ..



Surely they aren't related

.. this is what I saw when I got up this morning .. Dad's worker ;-p