DE-STRESSERS - EVERYONE NEEDS A SMILE!!!

 

 

    

So very true ..

From: Positive People - Making a difference

“No matter what difficulty you are facing, it is coming from Divine Light to bring you to a higher place within. Write down every conceivable reason that this situation can contribute towards your growth. Write down every way this experience can possibly set the stage for serving to uplift others. When you are complete, and have come to the other side of this experience, you will then know 'why' it happened.” ~ Barbara Rose

Amazing ....

AT&T is a cell phone carrier that knows how to make a successful promotion. Take a look at these great posters. Using just hands and a phone, American carrier recreates a popular idea of painting hands into the colors of different countries.

Awwww ..

A fb quiz result - what is the symbol of your personality ..

I know it's all a load of crock .. but this was cool ..

Bountiful basket

You are very loved. Everyone finds you a welcoming, warm person. They look to you for advice and comfort, and someone to just have a good time with. Your personality is seen as cliche and average, but in truth, you have talents and skills and ideas that no one has thought of before. You are someone with style. You are good with colors, and you know how to color people's worlds and minds to your way. You think new relationships are a coloring book, to fill them in with fulfilling conversations and meetings. You may seem nice and perfect and beautiful, you have a policy of "forgive but never forget". You always remember your enemies if you have any, and you know where to steer. Sometimes, when you're completely lost, you are dependent on friends for help. You hope they'll be there for you, but sometimes you fear that they won't be. That is something you are afraid of. You are ready to give, but you are also ready to accept. To many, it seems like you change your personality just for different people, but in fact, you are the one thing that's not changing. Other people grow on you, and grow fond of you, not the other way around. You are always yourself, and you are definite.

Seasons

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you will know exactly what to do.

                                 0ooo
Some people              (       )
come into our lives   )    /
and quickly go..     ( _ /

                ooo0
                (       )   Some people
                  \    (    become friends
                   \ _)    and stay awhile...

leaving beautiful      0ooo
footprints on our    (       )
hearts...                   )    /
                              ( _/

                 ooo0
                 (       )    and we are
                   \    (      never quite the same
                     \_ )

because we have made a good friend!!!

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people involved; and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships, and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to a mental hospital, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.  

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a 

teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." 

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug.. Do you want a bed near the window?"

DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE ?

Hello gorgeous

Today is National 'HOLY COW, YOU'RE HOT' Day!

Send this to someone gorgeous, but don't send it back to me,

I've been getting this message all flippin morning!!!

The wife ...

The  wife came home early and found her husband in their  bedroom making love to a very attractive young  woman.

And she was somewhat upset.  'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare  you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of  your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right  away!'

And the husband replied,  'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you  what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but  they'll be the last words you'll say to  me!'

And  the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car  to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a  lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that  I took pity on her and let her into the  car.

I noticed that she was very  thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me  that she hadn't eaten for three  days.

So, in my compassion, I  brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made  for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because  you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing  devoured them in  moments.

Since she needed a good  clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was  doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full  of holes, so I threw them  away.

Then, as she needed  clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that  you have had for a few years, but don't wear because  you say they are too  tight.

I also gave her the  underwear that was your anniversary present, which you  don't wear because I don't have good  taste.

I found the sexy blouse my  sister gave you for Christmas that you  don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those  boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't  wear because someone at work has a pair the  same.'

The husband took a quick  breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my  understanding and help that as I walked her to the  door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and  said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your  wife doesn't use?'

At last a doctor who speaks my language, though perhaps I should learn another language.

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...  don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. 
Want to live longer?  Take a  nap.

Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and  eat more fruits and  vegetables?
A: You  must grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat?   Hay and corn.
And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak  is nothing more  than an efficient mechanism of  delivering vegetables to your  system.   Need grain?   Eat chicken.  
Beef is also a good source of field grass  (green leafy vegetable).  
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable  products.

Q: Should  I reduce my  alcohol intake?
A:  No,  not at all.  Wine is made from  fruit.  Brandy is  distilled wine,  that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you  get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out  of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat  ratio?
A: Well,  if you have a body and you have  fat, your ratio is one  to one. 
If you have two bodies, your  ratio is two to  one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular  exercise  program?
A: Can't  think of a single one, sorry.  My  philosophy is: No  Pain...Good!

Q:  Aren't  fried  foods bad for you?
A:  YOU'RE  NOT  LISTENING!!! .....  Foods are fried these days in  vegetable oil.  In fact,  they're permeated in it.  How could  getting more  vegetables be bad for  you? 

Q:  Will  sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little soft  around  the middle?
A: Definitely  not! When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You  should only be  doing sit-ups if you want a bigger   stomach. 

Q:  Is   chocolate bad for me? 
A:  Are you crazy? HELLO   Cocoa  beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is   swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming is good for your figure,  explain whales to me.

Q:  Is getting   in-shape important for my   lifestyle? 
A:  Hey!  'Round' is  a shape! 

'Life should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with the intention of  arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but rather  to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in  the other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride'

And For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final  word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the  truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies. 
1. The Japanese eat  very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.
2. The Mexicans  eat a lot of  fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese  drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red  wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans. 
5. The Germans  drink a lot of beers and eat lots of  sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Why God Made Mums

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions: 

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring...

3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men’s' bones.  Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum?

1. We’re related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mum?

1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3.  They say she used to be nice.

What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?

1... His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?  Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? 

Why did your Mum marry your Dad?

1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My Grandma says that Mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such an idiot.

2. Mum.  You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed..

3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What’s the difference between Mums & Dads?

1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.

2... Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power ‘cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.

4. Mums have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mum do in her spare time?

1.. Mothers don’t have spare time.

2... To hear her talk, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mum perfect?

1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. You know her hair. I'd die it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my    room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Maya Angelou

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was 'exciting...'
Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day.....like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.
The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:
'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'
'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'
'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'
'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'
'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'
'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back....'
'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.'
'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one'
'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'
'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn..'
'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals... Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Interesting facts….

It takes your  food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. 
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The  average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. 
Human thighbones are  stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster  than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on  each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men. 
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the   brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance  itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot  dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women will be  finished reading this by now.

Men  are still busy checking their thumbs.

Average Kiwi

A New Zealander is drinking in a    Perth   bar when he gets a call

on his mobile phone.

He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for

everyone in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a

typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the

Kiwi just shrugs, 'That's about average in   New Zealand  , fellas...like

I said, my boy is a typical Kiwi baby boy..'

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of

'WOW'!  Were heard.

Two weeks later he returns to the bar.

The bartender says, ' Hey, you're the father of that typical Kiwi baby

that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big

he'd be in two weeks.

We were going to call you; so how much does he weigh now?'

The proud father answers, ' 19 pounds.'

The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. 'What happened? He already weighed

25 pounds the day he was born.'

The Kiwi father takes a slow swig from his pint wipes his lips on his

shirt sleeve, leans into the bar and proudly says, 'Had him circumcised'.

Rub

Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives you a hard time.

A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,

'RUB MY NIPPLES,
RUB MY NIPPLES,
RUB MY NIPPLES!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screamed,

'RUB MY NIPPLES,
RUB MY NIPPLES,
RUB MY NIPPLES!'

and doing so draws an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads,
'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'
In a huff, the woman says,

'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES RUBBED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED!'

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
he gets weak in the knees,
and he begins to think irrationally???

Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a new Ute.

Enjoy the simple things in life

Daily Affirmation I like ..

From:

I focus on what's really important in life. Quality rather than appearance . . . ethics rather than rules . . . integrity rather than domination . . . knowledge rather than achievement . . . serenity rather than acquisitions.- Dr. Wayne Dyer

All About #BeatCancer

#BeatCancer #BeatCancer #BeatCancer #BeatCancer #BeatCancer

So what's it all about?

:check out this site: http://beatcancereverywhere.com/about.html

In a 24-hour period of time starting Friday, October 16th at 9 am (PDT) and lasting until Saturday, October 17th at 9am (PDT) people all over the internet stratosphere will be asked to send tweets and Facebook status updates and to blog using #BeatCancer in their posts. Ebay/Paypal and MillerCoors Brewing Company will donate a penny ($0.01)* for every Twitter message, Facebook update or blog post that includes the phrase #BeatCancer.

Mmmmm ....

-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"! -- see below

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.