Paul in New Moon *faints*

Now while I thought Taylor Lautner was well mmm ...

.. this guy is not jail bait

.. but extreme .. YUM!

This is the cutest breast cancer email I have ever received.

First snow fall this season

Here are some images (from the newspaper as I forgot my camera in the rush this morning) .. on the first snow this season from around my side of the province here.

We didn't get it out here on this side of out of town .. only in town and the other side towards the mountain .. we just had heavy heavy sleet and it was freezing

.. aren't too sure though but at 8pm it sounded like heavy rain .. but could have been snow .. but when we woke up this morning it was just a heavy frost.

S's place (Missy's carer) was covered in snow as apparently from 4.30pm last night it started ..(when it started snowing up P** Rd) and it was still there when I dropped her off this morning ..

I went for a walk this morning and at 10am it was still only 2 degrees ...

The view going to town

 

New Moon Poster

From: Twilight Lexicon

.. oooh and from Perez Hilton.com

Get ready Twilighters because the first look of the next movie, New Moon, is coming your way.

During the telecast of the 2009 MTV Movie Awards, the first clip of the Twilight sequel
will be shown.

Twilight Parody ... so funny

AC/DC NZ Concert Tour Confirmed

Posted: Sunday, May 10 2009

AC/DC’s Black Ice Tour will play in Wellington January 30 and Auckland February 6th 2010.

AC/DC the greatest rock and roll band on the planet, who have sold over 200 million records worldwide, return to New Zealand in January 2010 as part of the Black Ice World Tour.

It will be the band’s first New Zealand tour since November 1996 and will - without any question - be the most spectacular rock show ever staged in this country.

AC/DC will blast their way through two New Zealand cities – Wellington and Auckland where they will appear at outdoor stadiums with one of the largest stage productions ever seen. The production will be moved around the North Island by 48 semi-trailers.

Dates on the Black Ice world tour in the US and Europe have sold out virtually as quickly as they were announced and the performances themselves have left the critics raving:

“AC/DC remain the gold standard for arena spectacle rock’n’roll.” The Times (UK)

“Rock ‘n’ roll that outlasts time.” Chicago Tribune

“It's been way too long since someone tore the roof off the place like this.” Orange County Register (LA)

The New Zealand tour comes on the back of the release of the hugely successful Black Ice album. Released globally on October 20, 2008 on Albert Productions and distributed by Sony Music, Black Ice sold close to 2 million copies globally in the first week of release and debuted at the number one spot in a staggering 29 countries.

Black Ice is AC/DC’s first new album in over eight years and it’s evident the band is still an incredible force in rock.

Black Ice has been certified Multi Platinum in eighteen countries, including the US, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Switzerland, Sweden, Norway, Germany, France, Italy, Argentina and the Czech Republic.

Additionally Black Ice has achieved Platinum status in five countries (including the UK and Spain) and Gold status in four countries (The Netherlands, Poland and Brazil).  With over 6.5 million copies of Black Ice shipped worldwide, combined with over 5.5 million in catalogue sold last year, AC/DC has surpassed The Beatles as the #1 selling catalogue artist in the US for 2008.

A further announcement will be made in a few weeks regarding AC/DC’s New Zealand Venues, Ticketing details and on-sale dates. New Zealand Tour presented by Garry Van Egmond and Chugg Entertainment together with Pacific Entertainment.

Welcome to the Mummy Tummy Club Julia Roberts! Actress bares her stretch marks to becomes a heroine for real women

This is from ..The Daily Mail - Femail

By Laura Kemp
Last updated at 11:57 AM on 14th May 2009

Dear Julia,

Today, I extend a very warm and peanut butter-smeared invitation to you to become patron of the Mummy Tummy Club.

I need not remind you that to be offered the position is a rare privilege, but you have earned it after you displayed such a fine example of a mummy tummy last week, with its crepey softness providing an inspiration for us jelly bellies the world over.

Care-free: Julia Roberts shoes off her stretch marks on holiday in Hawaii

Speaking to our members at playgroups and parks after you were pictured in that green polka-dot bikini on the beach in Hawaii with four-year-old twins Phinnaeus and Hazel, plus one-year-old Henry and husband Daniel Moder, 40, I discovered many were saluting your bold decision, particularly at this time of year when we're dreading stripping off for our summer holidays.

Before you make up your mind whether you wish to be our figurehead, let me tell you a little bit about the MTC.

I set it up a few months ago - I can't exactly remember when, because naturally my brain has gone to mush these days.

In essence, we celebrate the realities of motherhood, embrace CBeebies and stick two fromage-frais-covered fingers up at the perfectly coiffured, designer-dressed women who effortlessly juggle career, toddler and - gasp - sex life.

But we don't let just anyone in. There are ten simple rules.

1. APPEARANCE

Washed hair is acceptable if still wet, otherwise any personal grooming is banned. Food in your hair is the look of the season, particularly if it's coated in baked beans, ice cream and chocolate. Fruit and veg don't count.

Make-up is allowed only if you have just one set of eyelashes coated in mascara because you got distracted by a small child banging the telly with a maraca.

Footwear is to be sensible and handbags must contain a nappy, pack of wet wipes, half a rotting banana from two weeks ago and a mobile for emergency child amusement purposes.

Bodily hair must be embarrassingly visible - trousers exposing a hairy leg which is threatening to apply for protected status with the Forestry Commission.

2. PLAYGROUPS

If you've ever been to baby origami, baby pilates or baby gardening, you won't get in the MTC. However, if you regularly attend chaotic soft play sessions and your child wrecks the local library's 'rhyme time', you get the thumbs up.

3. NOOKIE

Only permissible if you're trying for another baby. No recreational sex for pleasure is allowed. Bed is only for catching up on that precious sleep you crave every second of the day.

4. MOANING

Anyone caught not having a whinge at their lack of sleep/ irritating in-laws/bosses who won't let you leave early for Calpol duties will be handed a life ban.

5. DIET

You're allowed to be on one - but don't lose any weight. Scoffing muffins while complaining about your muffin top is encouraged. As for the sprog's food intake, you will probably have pureed your way through Asda's entire vegetable counter in the first stage of weaning. It's nothing to be ashamed of - we've all made mistakes.

From now on, just make sure your trolley contains chicken dippers, rocket-shaped pizzas, Walkers crisps and Skittles.

6. CULTURAL AWARENESS

Your grasp of world news must be pitiful, you must have no idea what is on telly after 9pm and, when it comes to fashion, your wardrobe contains not fashionable harem trousers but chunky knits from George at Asda which you've panic-bought while en route to the nappies.

7. BREASTFEEDING

We don't object to it in private, but anyone who insists on giving their three-year-old a quick session in our line of sight will be instantly sent home without their usual two doughnuts.

8. FRIENDSHIPS

Post-baby, your pals must be divided into those who have kids and those who don't. Those who have them will suddenly be your best mates, while the thoughtless childless friends who have known you since school will be relegated to pests. I mean, who on earth phones at 7pm?

Don't they know we're midway through the bath, bottle, book and bed routine?

And do we look as though we're interested in your tales of pulling that married bloke from accounts? Oh, he's got a six-month-old baby daughter? You don't happen to know if she's sleeping through yet, do you?

9. COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR PARTNER

Membership is guaranteed if you've: a) sobbed uncontrollably when hubby asks you to show him how the pram collapses; b) laughed hysterically when that idiot you married politely inquires if sexual relations can resume now the baby is nearly two; or c) contemplated divorce but come to your senses when you realised it would mean you'd have to do everything yourself, even the minuscule amount of housework/shopping he does.

10. AND FINALLY - SPREADING THE MTC GOSPEL

You must swear to tell every woman pregnant with their first child that labour is utterly hideous, but will pale into insignificance compared to the sleep deprivation that follows; super-dooper trendy buggies may look nice but don't stop you ploughing through dog mess in the park and wheeling it all over the hall carpet; and busybody mothers-in-law may be a pain, but without them you'd never get dinner made.

So, Julia, in conclusion, thank you for giving us an image that convinced me you were the one to be the new figurehead for us real women.

If you would like to become a fully paid-up member of the Mummy Tummy Club, please don't hesitate to contact me, though you may need to do it several times, because I'm bound to forget what I was doing writing to you in the first place.

Yours in awe,

Laura Kemp

Funny ... lol

MY LIVING WILL

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug..'
She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

Today

I have a cold .. and I'm not impressed !

I HATE being sick !!!!!!

I have to be better by tomorrow as we are TB and EBL testing all the stock on this farm .. and it will be freeezing cold ..

I still haven't heard back about my blood tests yet ..

Might be back to the psychologist for me .. or at least relationship services counselling ..

My GP suggested going back on AD's .. I shut that down .. I haven't been in them for 5 years .. and didn't feel "safe" on them .. so he said after the results come back we would look at further options ..

The joys of having a screwed up brain!

*** Update .. Ooohh and FINALLY after searching all morning I found my keys under a pile of clothes by a bed leg in one of the kid's rooms .. I'd looked there before but couldn't see them .. but thought I'd have another look .. and what do you know .. thank goodness for that .. so during all that searching have made the beds, found the kitchen and lounge, semo-tidied 2 rooms .. and found my desk .. wtg .. Yahoo .. but still feeli sick .. and nose is now all stuffed up .. grrr!

How to get through life ...

Sleep as much as you can  ....

Read books that you enjoy...

Play with simple things...

Do  whatever you want -- whenever you want...

Look for affection when you need it...

Get serious once in a while...

Forget about diets....

Show some affection...

Get angry once in a while....


Change your looks...

Above all, be happy, regardless of what your challenges may be...

May your troubles be less,
your blessings more,
and may nothing but happiness
come through your door.

Have a great life!

Mother's Day part II

I got woken at 6.30am by Michael saying "pleeeease can I give you my surprise now .. "

.. and these ..

... the boys then went on to make their Aunty L and Nana and Aunty S cards for mother's day because they looooove making cards ... and because they love sharing the love ..

 

 

We went up and had lunch out with mum and L and her boys.. and the boys gave them their cards ..

.. then we went back to Mum's and the boys played Connect 4 and Yahtzee with Nana ..

.. and on the way home said they love playing games with Nana

.. we had a wee photo session too ..

Here's Mum and I ..

.. and the boys with Nana and Grandad

 

(Abbie was a no go with the photos .. even the one with me holding her she's hiding her face)

More Rippa Rugby

The boys played their 2nd "official" game this morning .. and after last week (where Michael wouldn't play no matter what) .. it was really great to see both of the boys wanting to get in to it and play ..

  

Michael scored quite a few tries and Cam was involved in a lot of the work of getting the ball to the try line .. but no tries .. oh well there's always next week.

... and look

... great stuff Michael!

They went back to the clubrooms and were really happy because lots of their friends from school play for other teams in the club that they played against and so a lot of them were there playing around ..

.. then they all went off to another class-mates birthday party and are all still there ..

So a fun day all round so far ..

Mothers Day cards early ..

The boys brought these home from school today .. they have been trying soooo hard to keep them a secret .. and when they got off the bus they were just beaming when they handed them to me ..

They had to write about what they liked to do with Mum on Mothers Day .. (hence the reference to Mum not having to cook tea apparently .. fingers crossed it's true )

Front (pic of Michael and I) - back
"My Mum
I like my mum because we played on the top of the house. I had fun and my mum had fun. We had to fix the top. From Michael"

** Can you tell Michael has a great imagination .. me and heights .. no way

Front (my cellphone -lol) -back
"My Mums tramp
I love my Mum because she plays with me on the tramp. She doesn't cook tea. Dad has to cook tea. She plays with me all day. She bounces really high. Love from Cameron"

Alcohol - acknowledging problem drinking

I'm soooo tired!!!

Living with an alcohol problem

Realising you have a dependence on alcohol is a very difficult first step to recovery. People often drink to create a sense of wellbeing they may not be able to achieve in ordinary life. A new car, relationship or house can give people a temporary feeling of wellbeing but cold, grey reality inevitably returns. Slowly, their ability to resolve life's difficulties withers.

It is much easier to drown a problem with drink than to do the hard work of sorting it out. Over the years, alcohol becomes the main focus of people's lives and they find they need more and more alcohol to get the same feeling of wellbeing. In order to maintain their habit they become dishonest, and this can lead to self-hatred.

Relationships with friends, family or whanau and employers fall apart through irresponsible actions. People may start to feel desperate or even suicidal. This is often the point at which people start to reach out for help. This is when recovery begins.

Sometimes it is hard for people with an alcohol problem to seek help, either because they feel ashamed and want to hide their drinking, or because they feel well and do not agree they have a problem.

Acknowledging their addiction and need for help can be very scary. However, many people with alcohol problems eventually go to see their GP or a counsellor, or they are referred to specialist services.

If you fear you might harm or kill yourself, it is vital you seek help immediately.

Support and information

People with alcohol dependence need a lot of support to maintain their recovery. Some get their best support from others who have been through the same kind of experience. Other people find a supportive health professional, or their friends, family and whanau may offer good support. People with alcohol dependence can make choices that are more informed if they educate themselves about their condition and the types of treatment and support that are available. It is also useful to know about your rights.

People who have alcohol problems have found the following strategies important, and useful.

• Learn about alcohol problems.
• Realise that families, whanau and friends are often placed in difficult situations by people with drinking problems. It is appropriate for your family, your whanau, or your friends to give you clear information about problems as they see them, even though you may not appreciate being told. If they do this, it is not that they do not love you, understand you or care for you. Pointing out problems is more helpful than keeping quiet about them and hoping they will somehow go away. If your drinking is making someone else's life miserable, it is fair enough for them to do something about it.

Also see: Overcoming problem drinking

Family and whanau views

Alcohol problems can tear families and whanau apart. Families and whanau may find their relative secretive, withdrawn, disruptive or even violent. They often feel powerless and embarrassed at their relative's drinking.

Their feelings for their relative can swing from compassion for their difficulties, to grief at the loss of the person they once knew, to hostility towards their relative for disrupting their lives. Other family or whanau members can develop their own mental health problems if they cannot change the impossible situation they are in.

Support and information

Families and whanau often feel drained and stressed and need support to look after themselves as well as their relative with alcohol problems. Their other family or whanau relationships can be neglected when the needs and disruptive behaviour of the person with alcohol problems take over.

There are several ways families and whanau can get support. They can get in touch with other families who have had similar experiences. Some drug and alcohol services provide good support options for families and whanau.

Experience with services

Ideally, families and whanau who are involved in caring for someone with alcohol problems need to be able to communicate freely with professionals about their relative. This can sometimes be a problem as professionals may not always give them information about their relative, particularly if they don't want their family or whanau to receive the information. Families and whanau may also need some professional help to mend any damage that has occurred in relationships, because of their relative's drinking.

Important strategies for living with someone with an alcohol problem

It can be difficult to know how to deal with your family or whanau member or friend's drinking.

Some people have found these suggestions helpful.

• Remember that neither you nor anyone else can make someone cut down or stop drinking, but you can encourage them and help them to make changes.
• Talk to the person about your concerns but make sure it is at a time when they are sober and you are both calm.
• Be clear about what behaviour you will not accept.
• Be consistent, do not keep changing your mind about what you are saying, and do not say one thing and do another.
• Listen and find out how your family or whanau member, or your friend feels about their drinking.
• Encourage the person to concentrate on the effects the drinking is having on their life rather than use a label such as alcoholic.
• Do not make it easier for the person to drink by buying it for them or always agreeing to go to the pub with them. It is difficult to break these habits but he or she is likely to take you more seriously if your actions match what you are saying.
• Remember to encourage and praise the person if they do manage to cut down or stop their drinking.

Take care of yourself

Worrying about a family or whanau member or friend with a drinking problem can leave you drained of energy for yourself or anyone else. It is important you take care of yourself.

• Keep in touch with friends. Discuss your worries with someone you can trust.
• Seek support and advice from professionals such as your doctor, a counsellor or groups such as Al-Anon or Al-a-Teen or other culturally appropriate services.
• Look after your own health. Make sure you are getting enough sleep and a healthy, balanced diet.
• Learn some relaxation techniques.
• Make sure you treat yourself by doing something you really enjoy every now and then.
• Be clear about what you are prepared to accept or not accept from the person who is drinking and having a plan for what you will do if they overstep the boundaries. This is especially important if there is any risk of violence.

Some more mood songs- arrggghh

Train - Drops of Jupiter

 

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's time to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you�re wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way 

Creed - Beautiful

She wears a coat of color
Loved by some, feared by others
She's immortalized in young men's eyes

Lust she breeds in the eyes of brothers
Violent sons make bitter mothers
Close your eyes, here's your surprise

But Beautiful is empty
Beautiful is free
Beautiful loves no one
Beautiful stripped me
Stripped me
Stripped me
Stripped me

In your mind she's your companion
Vile instincts often candid
Your regret is all that's left

(chorus)

She told me where I'm going
And it's far away from home
I think I'll go there on my own
I think I'll go there on my own
She told me where I'm going
And it's far away from home
I think I'll go there on my own
I think I'll go there on my own

But Beautiful is empty
Beautiful is free
Beautiful loves no one
Beautiful stripped me
Stripped me
Stripped me
Stripped me

She stripped me
Stripped me

I took a walk around the world to
Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float to the
Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something
To do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with
My superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak
But your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
Never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
Not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well will you be
There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with my
Superhuman might
Kryptonite

Muse

Unintended

Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
Before you

Maroon 5

She will be loved

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

Matchbox Twenty - Unwell

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why

[chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

[chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

[chorus]

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

Frustrating !!!

Vent to follow !!!
Blimmin hospital here are a friggin pita!!!
Cam's being having bleeding noses for the past 4 days .. today the school rang up and said he had 2 there today and did I want to go and get him ..
So anyhoo the hospital had told me to ring or they would ring me to check to see how he was from yesterday ( I rang to see what they thought and if we needed to do anything after I'd checked his INR and it was at 1.9) .. so I rang and told them his new INR today (still low at 2.0 - we aim for 2.5 - 3) .. well they made me feel like an imbecile again ..
FARK!!
Stupid people !!!
So frustrating!!!
So anyway after them toing and froing .. (ie yeh come up for full blood count .. no don't .. well might need a blood transfusion .. now he doesn't .. well could be just a cold - me - HE HASN"T GOT  A COLD ... how often does he have them .. me - NEVER .. only this week!! or when he's sick!! .. it's nothing to panic about Cheryl, why are you ringing if he's not troubled by or sick with them .. me - NO - BUT YOU TOLD ME TO RING YOU)
I said to them that last time this happened about 18 months ago his INR again was low and they said well that can't be it coz it should only be happening if it is high ..  Isaid well last time it was low and last time he had bleeding noses .. and whenever he has bleeding noses it is when his INR is low ... they told me well I must be mistaken and that it sounds very out of the ordinary ...
WTF!
...  they told me basically to chill out, not bother them unless he was really sick .. and if he keeps getting them for the next couple of days to bring him in as he might get anaemic and need iron or a transfusion ...
Will I be ringing them ''NO!

The Man Rules

At last a bloke has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the bloke's side of the story.
We always hear ' the rules ' from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports: It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials...
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT
need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, motor racing or golf.
1.. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -  to give them a bigger laugh..