Mail .. just when you least expect it ..

Sometimes you get mail you are waiting for, sometimes you get mail that you least expected that makes you happy, sometimes you get mail that brings you back to reality, and gives you goose-bumps ..

Well for some it's not a major, but for me, yesterday we got mail for C5 to have an echo ...

Why does this give me goose-bumps ..

Well because I have to stop thinking this little boy is just like everyone else .. and when the appointment comes around, I can see vividly on the screen that his little heart is struggling, and that ... that "shocks" me back to reality .. and leaves me morose ..

Yes I should be celebrating, he has survived all the odds, looked his maker in the eye more than once, but my brain the way that it's wired .. it starts wondering .. why do they need to do this when they said to leave it, what will they find, how much pressure is his heart under now, what new meds will they give him .. and the ultimate question ... how much longer am I going to have this mischieveous and cheeky little monkey ...

Too many questions. .. and some I really don't want answers for ..

Some times I just have to block it all out ..

Life huh? ..