today ..

... was a lot better ..
.. kept mostly within my points allocation .. until I calculated the scones I made for afternoon tea .. and found they were a whopping 7 points !!!!
They used to be only 2 .. urgghhh.. so I was only 2 over as I did well the rest of the day ..
.. anyhoo .. now I know ..
Still haven't been able to get the exercise in .. but thinking will focus more on it next week ..
My to do list hasn't had much done on it ..
.. but I did get the kids books covered .. which HAD to be done sometime ..
.. roll on tomorrow .. a new day :-)

Binge anyone ??

I don't know happened yesterday .. well I do really .. I took the kids to the movies and had a Choc Top icecream as a treat .. next thing I knew I was shoveling handfuls of Popcorn in my mouth .. then I started to get a bit stressed and I thought 'whatever' so we had McDonalds for dinner ..
End result .. 16 ProPoints over for the week!!!!!
Holy smoke ...
So the plan .. exercise .. exercise .. exercise ..
30mins at a time on the treadmill .. and 15mins a time at on Wii Step .. (would love to know what these are converted to ProPoints activity points)
Hopefully this will reduce the excess a little ..
I have my birthday on Sunday - the BIG 40 .. and my sister and my Mum are shouting me out for lunch .. and I would like to relax a little on that day ..
Anyway .. thats the binge vent done ..
Onwards and upwards (well downwards hopefully) .. today ..

Goals for today/this week

Household Goals
- fold the pile of washing
- find the floor in my daughters room x
- find the rest of the floor in our bedroom x
- wash the car
Personal Goals
- exercise 30 mins on treadmill for next 4 days
- exercise 15 mins step on Wii for next 4 days
- keep cool with the kids for at least an hour - lol .. a joke sort of
- Thursday night - watch Vampire Diaries & watch Blind Side on DVD
Well its a start :-)

Week 1 down

.. must start by saying I LOVE the WW iPod app .. it was so helpful for when I was away at the bach to help me track the food and exercise I did ..

It was a little hard to get exercise in while I was away on my own .. but on the couple of days hubby came down to the Bach I was able to get 2 good walks in .. and we took the kids for a walk ..(while they biked) to the supermarket ..

I think I did really well and had only one day where I ate Shapes straight from the pkt coz I felt stressed and lonely .. but was able to talk to myself and put them away :-)
So the end result was that Monday morning I was 1.2kgs lighter

So a good start ..

I took some "start" photos while I was at the Bach .. some are a little blurry ..

This year ..                     and last year 10kgs lighter!!!

   

.. and when I had the second photo taken I felt really fat .. urrghhhh ..

I myself notice it the most in my face .. and the mid-section .. and my size for clothes!!

So a bit of work to do .. but focused to do so ..

A new wagon to fall off .. hopefully not!

.. so my weight has ballooned to an uncomfortable (for me) level .. "read that as went to try clothes on for packing to go away and they were getting more than a wee bit tight :-(" .. and so I've began using WW online Propoints again ..

This week was pretty good considering we've been on the Bach most of the week and it was only today that there was a bit of a blowout and that was definitely stress related ... Urgggh.





So starting weight as at Mon 10/1 was 80.3kg and ultimate goal is 65kg .. but I know I can get to 67kg.
I'm breaking it down in to 5kg goals .. and so the first is 75kg..

I'm turning 40 on Sunday .. so my year goal is to get healthy again and get my anxiety/depression under control more.
Why have I ballooned do I think .. Depression.. Antidepressants .. Emotional eating .. and an "oh well who really cares" attitude ..
.. but that's changing this week !!
So roll .. a healthier me this year .. with more exercise .. positive thinking .. and in the end a smaller me :-)

Reading my way through the year ;-p - I'm going to track the books I've read !!

Total for 2010: 74 & 1/2

 

December - Total:11

Harvesting the heart - Jodi Picoult

The girls : a novel - Lori Lansens

The supper club - Sophie King

The wife's tale - Lori Lansens

The 9th judgement - James Patterson

The naked husband - Mark D'Arbanville

The naked heart - Mark D'Arbanville

Born of fire - Sherrilyn Kenyon

The Hunger Games (Hunger Games, #1) by Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire (Hunger Games, #2) by Suzanne Collins

Mockingjay (Hunger Games, #3) by Suzanne CollinsThe Hunger Games  

 

November – Total: 6 & 1/2

The Jane Austen book club - Karen Joy Fowler

Dance with the devil - Sherrilyn Kenyon

Whispered lies - Sherrilyn Kenyon

Conviction - Richard North Patterson

Glass Houses (The Morganville Vampires, #1) by Rachel Caine

The Dead Girls' Dance (The Morganville Vampires, #2) by Rachel Caine

1/2 Dark Peril (Carpathians, #21) by Christine Feehan

 

October – Total: 5

Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices, #1) by Cassandra Clare

Shades of Midnight (Midnight Breed, #7) by Lara Adrian

Burned (House of Night, #7) by P.C. Cast

Tempted - (House of Night, #6) by P.C. Cast

Night embrace - Sherrilyn Kenyon

 

September – Total: 6

Betrayed (House of Night, #2) by P.C. Cast

Marked (House of Night, #1) by P.C. Cast

Chosen (House of Night, #3) by P.C. Cast

Clockwork angel by Cassandra Clare

Untamed (House of Night, #4) by P.C. Cast

Hunted - (House of Night, #5) by P.C. Cast

 

August – Total: 6

Midnight Rising (Midnight Breed, #4) by Lara Adrian

James Patterson - 8th Confession

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Her Fearful Symmetry - by Audrey Niffenegger

Dead in the Family - Charlaine Harris

Fearless Fourteen -Janet Evanovich

 

July – Total: 5

London Bridges (Alex Cross Novel) - James Patterson

Veil of Midnight (Midnight Breed, #5) by Lara Adrian

Alex Cross's Trial - James Patterson

Stephanie Plum Spooky - Janet Evanovich

Cross Country - James Patterson

 

June – Total:5

Kiss of Crimson (Midnight Breed, #2) by Lara Adrian

Midnight Awakening (Midnight Breed, #3) by Lara Adrian

Ashes of Midnight (Midnight Breed, #6) by Lara Adrian

Dark Slayer (Carpathians, #20) – Feehan, Christine

My Sisters Keeper - Jodi Picoult

 

May – Total:7

The moment you were gone by Gerrard, Nicci

Undead and Unemployed (Undead, #2) by MaryJanice Davidson

Undead and Unwed (Undead, #1) by MaryJanice Davidson

Undead and Unappreciated #3) by MaryJanice Davidson

Undead and Unreturnable #4) by MaryJanice Davidson

Undead and Unpopular (Undead, #5) by MaryJanice Davidson

Undead and Uneasy (Undead, #6) by MaryJanice Davidson

Undead and Unworthy (Undead, #7) by MaryJanice Davidson

 

April – Total: 8

Lover Mine - JR Ward (E-Book)

Roadside sisters by Harmer, Wendy

An Ice Cold Grave – Charlaine Harris

Grave Secret – Charlaine Harris

Farewell my ovaries by Harmer, Wendy

The Girl Who Played with Fire (Millennium, #2) – Larsson, Stieg

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets' Nest (Millennium, #3) – Larsson, Stieg

Love & punishment by Harmer, Wendy

 

March – Total: 2

T is for Trespass – Grafton, Sue

Grave Sight – Charlaine Harris

 

February – Total: 7

Dark Dreamers (Includes: Carpathians, #7) – Feehan, Christine

Dark Descent (Carpathians, #11) – Feehan, Christine

Dark Celebration (Carpathians, #17) – Feehan, Christine

Grave Surprise (Harper Connelly Mystery, #2) – Harris, Charlaine

Life Support by Tess Gerritsen

Hot Blooded (Includes: Dark Hunger Carpathians, #14) – Feehan, Christine

S is for Silence – Grafton, Sue

 

January – Total : 6 (I'm sure there were more but forgot to write them)

Dark Melody (Carpathians, #12) – Feehan, Christine

Dark Symphony (Carpathians, #10) – Feehan, Christine

Dark Legend (Carpathians, #8) – Feehan, Christine

Dark Curse (Carpathians, #19) – Feehan, Christine

Dark Possession (Carpathians, #18) – Feehan, Christine

Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination – Fielding, Helen

 

Books I'd like/have found to read (some new authors)

Awakened. release date January 2011 (House of Night, #9) by P.C. Cast

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

The Eyre Affair (Thursday Next, #1) by Jasper Fforde

Inkheart (Inkheart, #1) by Cornelia Funke

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

Laurell K. Hamilton Set – Guilty Pleasures, The Laughing Corpse, Circus of the Damned and The Lunatic Cafe (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1-4) by Laurell K. Hamilton

The Grand Sophy by Georgette Heyer

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Fallen (Fallen, #1) by Lauren Kate

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

Life of Pi by Yann Martel

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez

The Host by Stephenie Meyer

Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace . . . One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson

Northern Lights (His Dark Materials, #1) by Philip Pullman

His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman

The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #1) by Rick Riordan

Holes by Louis Sachar

Perfume by Patrick Süskind

Vampire Kisses 1: Blood Relatives by Ellen Schreiber

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

We need to talk about Kevin - Lionel Shriver

Endymion Spring by Matthew Skelton

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

City of Fallen Angels (The Mortal Instruments, #4) by Cassandra Clare - April 2011

City of Lost Souls (The Mortal Instruments, #5) by Cassandra Clare - May 2012

City of Heavenly Fire (The Mortal Instruments, #6 by Cassandra Clare - September 2013

We Need To Talk About Kevin -Lionel Shriver

Halo by Alexandra Adornetto

North By Northanger, or The Shades of Pemberley: A Mr. & Mrs. Darcy Mystery by Carrie A. Bebris

War for the Oaks: A Novel by Emma Bull

Ghost Town (The Morganville Vampires, #9) by Rachel Caine

City of Fallen Angels (The Mortal Instruments, #4) by Cassandra Clare

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

And Another Thing... (Hitchhiker's Guide, #6) by Eoin Colfer

Matched by Ally Condie

Nightshade (Nightshade, #1) by Andrea Cremer

Desires of the Dead (Body Finder, #2) by Kimberly Derting

The Lost Saint (The Dark Divine, #2) by Bree Despain

Personal Demons (Personal Demons, #1) by Lisa Desrochers

Crescendo (Hush, Hush, #2) by Becca Fitzpatrick

Snow, Glass, Apples by Neil Gaiman

Beautiful Darkness (Caster Chronicles, #2) by Kami Garcia

The Cookbook Collector by Allegra Goodman

Hourglass (Evernight, #3) by Claudia Gray

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

Demonglass (Hex Hall, #2) by Rachel Hawkins

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mieradome by Kate Hegarty

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: Dawn of the Dreadfuls by Steve Hockensmith

Torment (Fallen, #2) by Lauren Kate

Infinity (Chronicles of Nick, #1) by Sherrilyn Kenyon

No Mercy (Dark-Hunter, #20) by Sherrilyn Kenyon

Other (Other, #1) by Karen Kincy

The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova

A Wrinkle in Time (Time, #1) by Madeleine L'Engle

Ash by Malinda Lo

Swoon (Swoon, #1) by Nina Malkin

Perchance to Dream (Théâtre Illuminata, #2) by Lisa Mantchev

On the Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta

Devoured by Amanda Marrone

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

Mind Walker by Roy Mcconnell

Rosemary and Rue (October Daye, #1) by Seanan McGuire

Echoes (Fingerprints, #1-3) by Melinda Metz

The Crucible by Arthur Miller

The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton

Eldest (Inheritance, #2) by Christopher Paolini

Brisingr (Inheritance, #3) by Christopher Paolini

The Sweetgum Knit Lit Society: A Novel by Beth Pattillo

Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart: A Novel by Beth Pattillo

The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Mary E. Pearson

Thirst No. 1: The Last Vampire, Black Blood, Red Dice by Christopher Pike

Thirst No. 2: Phantom, Evil Thirst, Creatures of Forever by Christopher Pike

The Daykeeper's Grimoire (Prophecy of Days, #1) by Christy Raedeke

The Alchemyst (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, #1) by Michael Scott

The Magician (Nicholas Flamel, #2) by Michael Scott

The Necromancer (Nicholas Flamel, #4) by Michael Scott

The Sorceress (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel #3) by Michael Scott

Freefall by Mindi Scott

Tunnels of Blood (Cirque Du Freak, #3) by Darren Shan

Vampire Mountain (Cirque Du Freak, #4) by Darren Shan

The Vampire's Assistant (Cirque Du Freak, #2) by Darren Shan

Trials of Death (Cirque Du Freak, #5) by Darren Shan

Everlost (Skinjacker, #1) by Neal Shusterman

Unwind by Neal Shusterman

Archangel's Kiss (Guild Hunter, #2) by Nalini Singh

A Kiss Before the Apocalypse (Remy Chandler, #1) by Thomas E. Sniegoski

Shiver (The Wolves of Mercy Falls, #1) by Maggie Stiefvater

Linger (The Wolves of Mercy Falls, #2) by Maggie Stiefvater

Crave (Fallen Angels, #2) by J.R. Ward

100 Cupboards: Book 1 by N.D. Wilson

The Replacement by Brenna Yovanoff

Prophecy of the Sisters (Prophecy of the Sisters, #1) by Michelle Zink

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Hitchhiker's Guide, #1-5) by Douglas Adams

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Persuasion by Jane Austen

Emma by Jane Austen

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

Mansfield Park by Jane Austen

Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender

Glimmerglass (Faeriewalker, #1) by Jenna Black

The Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley

Going Bovine by Libba Bray

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron

Graceling (The Seven Kingdoms Trilogy, #1) by Kristin Cashore

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke

The Body Finder (Body Finder, #1) by Kimberly Derting

The Dark Divine (The Dark Divine, #1) by Bree Despain

Magic Under Glass (Magic Under, #1) by Jaclyn Dolamore

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle

Never-ending Story by Michael Ende

Lost in a Good Book (Thursday Next, #2) by Jasper Fforde

The Eyre Affair (Thursday Next, #1) by Jasper Fforde

Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Letters by Brian Froud

Inkheart (Inkheart, #1) by Cornelia Funke

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

Beautiful Creatures (Caster Chronicles, #1) by Kami Garcia

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith

Evernight (Evernight, #1) by Claudia Gray

French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating for Pleasure by Mireille Guiliano

Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern

Laurell K. Hamilton Set - Guilty Pleasures, The Laughing Corpse, Circus of the Damned and The Lunatic Cafe (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #1-4) by Laurell K. Hamilton

Hex Hall (Hex Hall, #1) by Rachel Hawkins

The Grand Sophy by Georgette Heyer

Gnomes by Wil Huygen

Fallen (Fallen, #1) by Lauren Kate

Silent Truth (B.A.D. Series, #4) by Sherrilyn Kenyon

Love Bytes by Sherrilyn Kenyon

Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

Complete Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis

Faking It by Elisa Lorello

Ordinary World by Elisa Lorello

Wicked Lovely (Wicked Lovely, #1) by Melissa Marr

Ink Exchange (Wicked Lovely, #2) by Melissa Marr

Ripple Effect (Time Thriller Trilogy, Book 1) by Paul McCusker

Georgina Kincaid Series- Richelle Mead

- Succubus Blues, Succubus OnTop, Succubus Dreams, Succubus Heat, Succubus Shadows, Succubs Revealed - 2011

Angel Star by Jennifer Murgia

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver

Eragon (Inheritance, #1) by Christopher Paolini

Jane Austen Ruined My Life by Beth Pattillo

Wings (Wings, #1) by Aprilynne Pike

Spells (Wings, #2) by Aprilynne Pike

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

Edgar Allan Poe Complete and Unabridged by Edgar Allan Poe

Julie and Julia: 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen by Julie Powell

His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman

Northern Lights (His Dark Materials, #1) by Philip Pullman

Lyra's Oxford by Philip Pullman

Once Upon a Time in the North by Philip Pullman

The Mysteries of Udolpho by Ann Radcliffe

Bleeding Violet by Dia Reeves*

The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #1) by Rick Riordan

The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling

The Forest of Hands and Teeth (The Forest of Hands and Teeth, #1) by Carrie Ryan

The Dead-Tossed Waves (The Forest of Hands and Teeth, #2) by Carrie Ryan

Holes by Louis Sachar

Perfume by Patrick Süskind

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

Zero: The Biography of a Dangerous Idea by Charles Seife

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer

A Living Nightmare (Cirque Du Freak, #1) by Darren Shan

Endymion Spring by Matthew Skelton

A Series of Unfortunate Events Pack (Books 1-4) (Series of Unfortunate Events, Books 1-4) by Lemony Snicket

Angelology by Danielle Trussoni

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

 

I've read before this year

Covet (Fallen Angels, #1) by J.R. Ward

J.R. Ward Box Set by J.R. Ward

Lover Mine (Black Dagger Brotherhood, #8) by J.R. Ward

The Da Vinci Code (Robert Langdon, #2) by Dan Brown

City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments, #1) by Cassandra Clare

City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments, #2) by Cassandra Clare

City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments, #3) by Cassandra Clare

Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Harry Potter, #1) by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter, #6) by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter, #2) by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5) by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter, #3) by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7) by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Harry Potter, #4) by J.K. Rowling

North Taranaki Midweek, 08 Dec 2010. Page30

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North Taranaki Midweek
08 Dec 2010

DE-STRESSERS - EVERYONE NEEDS A SMILE!!!

 

 

    

..did I forget to take my happy pills or something ..

.. I think I'm on a downward slide again ..

I have so much to be thankful for in my life.

But, today I just want to cry.

I feel like everything is out of my control .

I am the only one who can take control and make changes. I know this. But for some reason today, I just can't make myself do the things that I know I need to do.

I feel overwhelmed.

I'm sooo tired.

I'm sick ..

Day 4 - Damn bad habits

A habit that I wish I didn’t have SWEARING

Man oh man I swear like a trooper ..

I swear far too much .. esp for a lady my husband says ..

I remember when I first "learned" to swear .. a school friend taught me a couple of words - "f**k" and "bitch" ..

We thought we were cool .. swearing away about things (but only in each others company) that day .. then I got home htat night and Mum askedme something and I had to stop and think about what I was going to say without the next word being a swear word ..

Now .. they just tumble out of my mouth ..

Luckily the kids "know" that they are "adult" words that only "mums and dads use" .. but I can see it's gonna come and bite me on the bum in the future ..

I can't bring myself to actually say them on my blog except maybe in private posts .. but even then I use mis-spelling .. but IRL .. I'm a potty mouth ..

..AND

.. wish I could get over NOT liking folding my washing and putting it away .. lol

Day 3 - I'm the one hiding from the camera :-)

Well this is gonna be an interesting one .. photos of you with your friends ..

I'll have to pore through all the millions of photos I take and get back to y'all .. because like the thousands who have done this challenge I'm the one BEHIND the camera usually ..

.. so I'll post this one of my Mum and I .. coz she's the bestest friend I have :-)

.. and my beautiful sisters .. coz they are also my closest friends ..

.. and I'll post others as I find them :-)

Ooh here's one .. but I'm almost cut out of it on the left :-)

Does this count .. lol ..

My 38th at Emma's

 

BBQ for my birthday- 39

Boxing Day at our house - no photos of me though ..lol

10 families have got together for the past 11 years .. on Boxing Day ..

 

Jan 2nd - Town vs Country Cricket game

.. see I REALLY do avoid photos!

Day 2 - What's with the name huh?

So this blog was originally "twinzn1more" - which is what the address still is .. which is pretty straightforward .. Twins and one more - referring to the rug rats ..

Then during my recovery I got kinda clever .. lol .. well I thought so ..

"Round the bend .. and a bit further down the road" - this refers to my mental status at the time ..

I "felt" like I had been through a really rough patch and had gone "round the bend" .. and was now "a bit further down the road" and on the road to feeling a lot better ..

It also referred to where we live way out back here .. when I explain how to get to where we live I often ended up saying "You go just round the bend .. and then we are just a bit further down the road" ..

So bloody clever huh ???

Just kidding :-)

Day 1 - Me and 15 things you were just dying to know about me ..lol

Me with - Straight hair .. Normal hair

Mmmm .. now some INTERESTING FACTS .. let me see

- I agreed to marry my husband after a month of meeting him .. (albeit I was absolutely plastered at the time) .. then we moved in together after knowing each other for 3 months .. then officially got engaged after 5 months of meeting each other. We met when I went to a house for studying for a Polytech exam where he was boarding .. and whoa there he was .. We have been married 15 years as at last Feb :-)

- We've got twin boys .. and one chickadee .. hah .. how did you know that already ??? The boys were conceived by IVF and Miss was a bolt out of the blue .. we thought we'd try and see what having a singleton pregnancy was like ..

With Miss .. my doctor and I thought there was something "medically wrong" with me and I was going to be having a number of tests done as I felt so terrible .. not once did we think about pregnancy .. I on the off chance threw a pregnancy test in the groceries and thought I'd do a test "just for the hell of it" .. well talk about almost fall off the toilet .. I went back at 8 weeks and the doctor couldn't believe it when I said that I was pregnant and that was why I was so unwell .. lol ..

- It took us over 8 years to concede that we were not going to get these monkeys conceived naturally and decide to take the IVF route .. as luck would have it .. the day we called in to Hamilton on holiday to talk to IVF place .. they said we would be more than eligible to go on the Public waiting list .. and within 6 weeks we were starting the IVF roller-coaster journey.

It only took one cycle luckily and the retrieval (22 eggs, 8 fertilising .. and then only 2 going on the 8 cell embies), transfer and ultra-sound (at IVF clinic) were all classed as "textbook" .. and at 6 & 1/2 weeks it all looked fab ... even though at 6 weeks I was told by the local sonographer that I had no babies in that there uterus .. stupid pillock!!

I had 32 weeks of hyperemesis with the boys .. it stopped at 28 weeks .. and started again at 30 weeks (although that may have been more stress related as that was when Twin B - Cam was suspected as having something severely wrong with the left side of his heart). With Miss I had hyperemesis from 5 - 41 weeks .. yep she was 5 days overdue .. my midwife told me that it would disappear overnight .. and I did not believe her .. when I woke up the next morning after having Miss .. it was like someone had wave a magic wand .. friggin' awesome to be able to eat without indigestion, being sick .. or just feeling rotten :-)

- I suffered PTSD, Post Natal depression and Anxiety following our return from Auckland (and probably before we got home and in hospital) with the boys .. and then was very very unwell with suspected Adjustment disorder (but most probably Depression/Anxiety looking back now .. and me being an expert now at these things ..lol)  when they were 15 months old .. and went on meds but never found the "right" one for me .. then with Miss I suffered severe Pre-Natal depression, then Post Natal depression and then with a lot of counselling (and amazingly no meds) for 2 & 1/2 years began to feel really well again .. then this year have taken a down-slide again and are back meds (but a new one) for a now diagnosed Generalised Anxiety with Depressive Symptoms Disorder .. and have been seeing a Clinical Psychologist .. am I doing better . .sometimes yes .. other times I'd like to kick the Black Dog back out on the porch .. but it likes being on my shoulders too much and sometimes it's a battle :-)

- All of my children have Congenital Heart Defects .. Cam has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) which is rare and pretty damn serious .. he has had a few heart surgeries and procedures in his life and his poor little "flat" frog fingers have lots of pin pricks in them as we test his blood to make sure he's on the right blood thinners 2-6 weekly depending on how his health is .. Mike had Pulmonary Stenosis .. and it corrected by itself .. and Miss has Aortic Stenosis .. her's is monitored and depending on when we can get her to lie down on the bed for an echo without having a mental we will see if she needs surgery to correct her valve before she gets to school. All of the boys were shy .. urrghhh hate that word .. but Miss has been "diagnosed" as having Selective Mutism .. not too sure how bad it is .. as has yet to be analysed by the right people .. but we think it's a mild case .. well mild to others .. and we're all crossing fingers, toes and other body parts that it will resolve itself in some way when she heads to school ..

- Since March I lost both of my Nana's and last week lost my Grandad .. I have my Pop still alive .. although I'm really really sad that they are now gone .. I am grateful that I was able to spend some of my adulthood getting to really know them and that they were able to see my kids while they were little and share their love with them :-)

Also I love that I can see some of the beautiful gifts that they have passed on to my children and/or my neice and nephews and my sister .. esp the musical talent and art/craft and cooking talents ..

I love the concept of doing a family tree and since my Nana's passings have gone right back and shared the results with my parents .. surprising even them with some of the stuff I found .. I'm still chipping away at it coz holy heck it sure does take a long time ..

OK so that's all the deep meaningful (less) stuff .. now some other stuff

- I have two beautiful sisters .. I'm the oldest .. and have 4 nephews and a niece .. and my middle sister is due to POP .. well she better soon - babe's 9 days overdue .. I "had" a "surrogate" brother but sadly he passed away from a work-place accident 2 years ago .. and left a huge hole in my life ..

- I gabble .. go off on a tangent .. come back to it (maybe) or completely change my mind and never go back to it .. you didn't notice .. mmmmm .. well .. I do .. but IRL I'm quite reserved (hate the word shy) .. until I get to know y'all and then can't stop me yabbering .. but online .. I'm yaketty yak .. but not stuff that's too meaningful coz I like to take life easy as possible .. coz my life IRL is way too heavy for me to carry much else on them there shoulders :-) .. so this being my first post of the 30 days of me .. looks like some posts may be friggin novels ..lol .. if you can ber to sit through them .. grab some popcorn/wine/a picnic basket .. it may take a while ;-p

- My car most times is a huge mess. If my car is clean .. you can bet your bottom dollar .. there is an almighty mess either in my kitchen or lounge or bedroom or all blimmin' 3. I have a problem with multi-room tidiness I think .. or multi-area tidiness .. then if the rooms are all tidy .. I daren't open a cupboard .. coz stuff could easily fall out and flatten you ..

- I have a problem with folding and then putting my washing away .. I can get it washed and hung out .. but then Mt Washmore, Mt Washalot and Mt Fall-all-over the floor can stay there for days on end .. and only once hubby and the kids start voicing a bit too much that they can't find some piece of clothing will I be motivated to get moving ;-p

- I'd love to go to a clothing stylist .. as I have no idea what suits me or what the heck style even is .. I wear mostly black or deep wine or dark blue .. or that nice blue or dark purply coloured stuff.. that most probably is then layered with a touch of black .. and this is mostly worn with jeans or a dark skirt  .. arggh!

- I lost over 20 kgs about 2 years ago .. through various means .. and are right peeved that now I've put 5-7 kgs depending on what exercise I do ..since going back on AD's and eating my depression away .. BUT .. have recently brought a bike and are back walking again this WEEK! I'm an emotional eater from way back .. and to prove it have almost eaten a whole packet of Chicken Thin Cut Chips while writing this ..lol

- I've got killer blue eyes and smile (well so I've been told) .. and love laughing and dancing and READING READING and READING.

- I love to help out others when I can .. and probably take on too much .. hence STILL being on the Heart Children committee and Playgroup co-ordinator and all the rest of the stuff I do .. but I like doing it coz it makes me feel good unless I have to do too much ..lol .. but I've got better at delegating .. that said I'm stepping back and resigning from them all in March next year once Miss goes to school.

- I've almost completed my BBS through Massey .. and have changed my major so many times I've lost count what I'm actually majoring in .. now I've completely changed my mind and are looking to do a degree in Early Childhood as I think I'd like to be a Kindergarten teacher.

There is probably a heck of a lot more than 15 .. but I've yabbered too much already .. and if you've got this far .. you're probably bored out of your tree ..lol

NB ***One that my husband would think I should have written is (that he thinks) I'm addicted to the computer/internet .. ummm NO WAY surely NOT!

So very true ..

From: Positive People - Making a difference

“No matter what difficulty you are facing, it is coming from Divine Light to bring you to a higher place within. Write down every conceivable reason that this situation can contribute towards your growth. Write down every way this experience can possibly set the stage for serving to uplift others. When you are complete, and have come to the other side of this experience, you will then know 'why' it happened.” ~ Barbara Rose

ANGRY!!!

I actually feel sick to my stomach ..

.. some family members SHOULD NOT even have the name 'family' the way they treat and talk to others in their family ..

FARKIN' UNBELIEVEABLE

Farkin' Angry .. Angry .. Angry ..

:-(((((

30 Days of me

A friend Sams Snippets is taking part in a challenge that Purls Paws posted on her blog.

I thought it looked cool so I'm aiming to get going at it to get my blog moving again ;-p

This is what you have to do each day....

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name.
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends.
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song.

I'm quite a few days behind (they're already at Day 4/6) .. and I'm won't be starting until tomorrow or Tuesday .. but I'll do a few at a time to catch up ..

Soooo there you go .. I might be posting for once :-)

Love you Grandad

11 January 1916 - 11 November 2010

Today we lay my kind-hearted, gentle and cherished Grandad to rest ..

Niech odpoczywa w pokoju ..

Miss you so much already Grandad

It was a beautiful service and lovely to see all who were involved very proud to be a part of showing just how special Grandad was ..

Truly beautiful tributes by Aunty Margaret and Uncle Robert .. and I think he would have been very proud all of his children, Grandkids and Great-Grandkids who helped out :-)



Memories Build a Special Bridge - Emily Matthews)

Our memories build a special bridge
when loved ones have to part
to help us feel we're with them still
and sooth a grieving heart.
Our memories span the years we shared,
preserving ties that bind,
They build a special bridge of love
and bring us peace of mind.

Love you Grandad xx

Grandad :-(

RIP my beautiful Grandad

The black dog ....

... sinking ..

 

The laws that govern the black dog

a) it is lazy, it hates exercise.

b) it feeds on negative emotion.

c) it lies, steals, distorts and drains.

d) it relies on the labels from other people to quantify what you have.

e) it loves it when you give it your full attention and energy.

f) it will always show you your past, and hide your future

g) it hides your true self from you

The Hole

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless...
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I still fall in... it's a habit...
But my eyes are open.
I see it is there.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down a different street.

******
Author Unknown.

The Guest House

by Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi

1207-1273, written in 1230

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Comments on the poem:

- this poem is about mindfulness (as in buddhist practice), accepting the different human emotions that you experience without judgement, not getting entangled in the feelings they produce, but seeing them for what they really are with a non-judgemental mind. Each emotion is like a visiting guest that will stay a while and then leave, but you must see them for what they are, not reject or run away from them, the idea is to accept all emotions as part of the human condition, we must learn from them because each is sent to teach us.

- In this poem, Rumi suggests that we shouldn't shy away from the ugliness in our lives....pain, death, suffering......instead we should embrace them and explore what learning is there for us. People don't like to talk about death, Rumi suggetses you should so that, while uncomfortable, it becomes more human-scaled and easier to deal with....through its familiarity.....sometimes the hardest of times teach us the most...

- This poem is a deep reflection on being in touch with our feelings and emotions (described as guests in this poem.) We can learn much from recognixing these feelings. They are guides to our state of mind and we can prepare for our reactions to them.